1 Month

How has it been one month since Ella came into the world?  Is it too cliche of me to say that time has flown by?  Yes, it is.  And yes, it has.  

I sit here thinking of how the process of EJ coming into our lives felt so painstakingly long.  Trying to get pregnant for 14 months, waiting for 10 months for labor to start, laboring for 25 hours.   And then there was Day 4.  If someone had asked me on Day 4 if I felt time was passing quickly, I would have laughed through tears because Day 4 felt like the longest day of my life.  Apparently, I had already forgotten about labor.  But alas, here we are.  One month in.

Last Saturday evening, we went out to dinner while Ella stayed home with her grandparents.  In the car we talked about what we had learned over the last month, what surprised us, what has been different than our expectations.  To be honest, we didn't have many expectations because until a month ago having a daughter was just an interesting concept.  We talked about love and how our love was never an instant kind of love, but rather a love that became real and deep over time.  Try 20+ years.  I think our love for Ella is a little like that.  Each day feels a little more real.  Each day we learn her a little bit more.  Her face.  Her hands.  Her cry.  Her temperment.  We love her a little bit more the deeper we get into this relationship and the more we realize that she is ours.  

She is starting to make eye contact and coo at us.  She stares intently at the Christmas tree lights.  She can go from zero to sixty in less than a minute if she's hungry.  She has a love/hate relationship with baths.  She fusses, but then becomes strangely calm.  She shakes her head frantically back and forth if you force the pacifier on her.  What can I say, the girl knows what she wants.  She has bright, beautiful eyes and wants to look over your shoulder for a while when she's done eating.  We battled the swaddling of her arms for a few weeks, but I think we've won that battle.  She has yet to notice Charlie although he has certainly noticed her.  She sleeps relatively well at night less the occasional thirty minutes of being contently wide awake for some unknown reason when we're desperate to go to sleep.  She is happy 98% of the time.

Ellagirl, you are ours.  After much consideration and a month long trial, your Dad and I have decided to keep you.  We can't wait to see you grow and change in month 2.   

Ella James Curzon

Our lives are changed forever since this tiny creature came into the world.  

There are the many practical ways life is different.  The ways we expected such as sleep deprivation.  But what I was least prepared for was how different life feels.  Neither of us was prepared for the wealth of emotions that accompanies the new title of being parents.  Beautiful, messy, strong emotions.

The first week I cried every day.  Dustin teared up over a nice work-related e-mail.  In 28 years of knowing Dustin, I have seen him tear up probably twice and once was during an episode of The Office.  Our girl has filled our lives with overwhelming joy and overwhelming responsiblity.  It's almost comical that we're surprised by how strongly we feel because it probably seems so "duh" to those that are parents.  I think it's just something that you can't know until you know.  

And now we know.  

When my grandmother was still alive, she once told me that when they placed my mother in her arms she thought: "Now I have everything I've always wanted."  Ellagirl, when I heard you cry for the first time and your Dad brought you over for me to see, I wept thinking the exact same thing.  Your entrance into the world, although painful and oh so long, is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us.  What joy that God has given you to us!  Our prayer is that you would grow in the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus.  That He would captivate you, challenge you, direct you, and prepare you for all the good things He has prepared in advance for you to do.  We love you so!