Below is a copy of what I wrote for Lauren's memorial service and shared in front of family and close friends at her internment on March 23, 2016. I spoke for my sister because she would most certainly have spoken for me. I spoke for my sister because who speaks for you at your funeral if not your sister? Most importantly though, I spoke for my sister because she was mine and I loved her.

My sister.

Honestly when I sit down to write this, I don’t know where to begin. I know so much about my sister. Her strengths, her weaknesses, her quirks, her loyalties, her faults. And I hate so much that I’m sitting before a computer trying to sum up who she was or what I loved about her in a few minutes at her funeral. As much as Lauren loved things with great depth, this feels rather trival, but alas I know my sister would have something eloquent and slightly too verbose if the shoe were on the other foot. So here is my attempt to emulate that.

Lauren was the most intense person I’ve ever known. When she bought into something, everything else wasn’t just dismissed, it was dismissed with a vengeance. It was useless, the opposite of what was good and true. For example...

The Dallas Cowboys

The X-Files

Meme

Gone With the Wind

Stevie Nicks

Politics and the Law

Theater

Music

Literature

Writing

Joshua

And of course our Jackson, nothing compared to the way she loved Jackson.

She loved things with a ferocity that honestly was exhausting at times, even if the thing she was loving fiercely was you. When I was in first grade, I came home crying because an older girl had made fun of my Beauty and the Beast backpack. Lauren was so enraged, she marched her fifth grade self down to the bus stop to confront the girl. When I was in high school, she was skeptical of any boy I dated and truly I think she just loved to intimidate them. That’s probably why God gave me a husband that’s known her all along. Apparently twenty-six years is how long it takes to win Lauren over if you’re marrying her sister. When I pledged Kappa and graduated from OU, Lauren always came to Norman beaming. I’m confident she bragged about me to a lot of people and only half of what she said was true. She loved me. She loved me fiercely. And I will always cherish that.

The day Jackson was born is one of the most special days in my memory. Because he was the first grandchild and we were all so excited, we marched to the hospital way sooner than we needed to be there. We sat around and paced for hours upon hours until we finally got word from the nurse that he was here. They brought Jack to the nursery with Joshua, but Lauren was still back in the delivery room. I remember everyone crowding around the nursery window to see Jackson, but Dad paced up and down the hall waiting to get word that Lauren was ok and we could see her. I remember I started to fret too. After what seemed like several more hours, we were taken back to Lauren’s room where she was sitting up in bed, smiling. I remember I started crying and ran to her, put my head in chest and said “I’m so glad you’re ok.”

The last five years have been difficult for Lauren. We all know that. It’s difficult to talk about because we love her and we want to remember Lauren when she was her healthy, beautiful, obnoxious, fiercely loving self. The truth is there is sadness today about the way her life ended, but I’m clinging to hope.

In John 11, Lazarus dies and his sisters are filled with grief over his death. His sister Martha goes to Jesus and says “Lord, if You had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.” Jesus answered her: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me, even if dies, will live. Everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die - ever. Do you believe this?”

Martha’s response is “Yes, Lord, I believe.”

Martha and I have a lot in common at least at this moment in the story. I’ve lost my sister and it might be natural to say, "Lord if you had been here, my sister wouldn’t have died." But I don’t. I see the life and resurrection of Jesus, I can say, "Yes Lord, I believe." Lauren believed and because of Jesus, she will never die. I am sad today, but I can have hope that one day again I will run toward her, put my head in her chest, and get to say, “Lauren, I’m so glad you’re ok.”

Thanks be to God.