Yesterday Ella turned two.

Hold the phone, there's a toddler living in our house and we're in charge. Or maybe she's in charge? No, we're in charge. I'm actually not sure.

I was going to say something about feeling like it was just yesterday that she was born, but I realized that it honestly doesn't feel that way. Yes, it's sort of mind-blowing when I consider that only one short year ago she was barely walking and barely talking. Now she is running through our house speaking in basically full sentences, saying things like "No I don't like that." or "Momma, welcome to my party, you sit here." Or even tilting her head in a nurturing way and asking "you ok, Momma?" But ultimately when I think about the last year, my initial reflection is not on the quick passage of time, but rather the fullness of both really really hard things and really really good things.

So much of Ella's growth this year was accompanied by so much "life." In January, our work sort of took off with the opening of 36 Degrees North and my return to St. Francis. We were in our groove doing our thing and so was Ella. She was walking and eating regular foods and sleeping like a champ. In February, we decided to list our house in the burbs and look closer to midtown. We had toyed with this idea for a year or two earlier, but decided to wait. Even as we were putting the for sale sign in our yard, it still felt somewhat risky. Mostly because we knew others would see it as moving in the opposite direction literally and figuratively: moving from a new construction home in the suburban school district to an older home in the center of the city. At the same time, the risk appealed to us and we felt our move was intentional and significant in for our family's story, including Ella's.

And then March happened. This is mostly content for another post, but for me there is life before March 17th and life after March 17th. Lauren died that day and my world shifted so fast and so hard, I barely have clear memories of that month. For our sweet Ella, her world stayed mostly the same and she stayed mostly the same. For all the chaos that was happening in and around her mother, Ella brought light and consistency and joy. I remember her being so flexible. From being woken up in the middle of the night to napping on the fly at other people's houses to being fed and dressed and played with by a thousand different relatives and friends. I remember sometime during the first few days afterward, Ella was napping at my in-laws house across the street and I had come over to take a break. She woke and I went to rock her. I remember holding her and begging God to let her sleep in my arms. Not in the way a mother begs out of exhaustion for her child to sleep just a few minutes longer, but out a deep need to remember the goodness of God. I needed just a moment to soak up some of Ella's goodness, her untouched-by-the-world goodness. I needed her to take a deep breath, sigh, and melt into my arms so I could remember that His is good when sin is not. And she did. Sweet girl, one day I will tell you much about this season. You were and continue to be such Grace to me.

And just like that Ella's world kept moving...quite literally in fact. In May we moved into our new home near midtown Tulsa. We spent our summer months in between our new house and the Curzon's new house as we remodeled our kitchen and settled into a routine of having Jack with us a few days a week. It has been such a joy to watch Ella love and learn Jack. And to watch him love her in return. It wasn't without some adjusting on everyone's part (myself included because whoa two kids is harder than one), but I look back on our crazy summer fondly as the season two sweet only children learned they are, in fact, NOT the center of the universe. Truthfully though, they do life fairly well together especially for being five years apart. Jack is patient with Ella when she is slow EVERYWHERE we go, he hands her all the toys she drops out of reach in the car, he tickles her, sings to her, and even ignores her when she needs a little ignoring. Ella adores Jack. I can entice her to do anything with the promise that Jack will be there and/or also be doing the thing I need her to do. She squeals when he comes into room and yells "Hi Jacks! Hi Jacks!" She loves that they have the same middle name and often just talks to herself about "Jackson James Allison." Lauren would be so delighted with the way they love each other. She would be so so proud.

We all rejoiced a bit with the transition into Fall. Jack started back to school. Ella started MDO two days a week. I got my free day back and happily said good bye to sweaty no-make-up days at the splash pad. Ella (and let's face it, her mother) thrive on routine and I think it's safe to say that we've been thriving for the last few months. We celebrated Ella's birthday with a party bigger than our house can hold and I reminded myself that next year I should probably chill. Alas, our home was filled with people who we love deeply and who love us well, our people. So as Dustin wisely reminded me, who cares if the house is bursting at the seams and no one has anywhere to park? Sorry neighbors.

Ella James, in keeping with tradition on your birthday, your Dad and I prayed on our knees for you after you went to bed. We prayed through each of the themes we have continued to pray over your life and that I wrote about here. We are so humbled that God created you and put you in our lives, that you are our beautiful, fiery, smart, and confident little girl. I so hope that one day you get to be a mother and understand how deeply we love you. We love you because you are ours, we love you because God loves you, we love you because you are of great worth, and we love you because you are so easy to love. Happy 2nd Birthday, treasure girl!