My sweet second (and third) children. In true second (and third I guess) child fashion, I’ve had the intention of writing about you since the day you entered the world, but I’m sitting down for my first attempt at it when you are half a year old. 7 months actually. I knew it was unrealistic to expect that I would write about each month’s progress so there hasn’t been much mom-shame in my game. In fact, I’m actually laughing at what a typical first-time mom I was for writing about Ella every single month of her first year. Ah, the days when I thought I was busy.

There is so much very real and rich life that has happened since we learned about Avett & Cece. At our first appointment after I found I was pregnant, we left excited and enthusiastic about the baby we saw on the ultrasound. That’s right, one baby. At our second appointment, a quick appointment to check the heart beat, we took Ella because our news was still somewhat a secret and it was supposed to be a quick in and out. I’ll never forget Dr. Sterling’s words: “Oh there’s something we didn’t see before…a second baby!” What?! I remember looking over at Dustin, my heart beating so fast, and watching him wrestle Ella in the extra chair with the look of man processing some very new and life-altering information. He was half-smiling and repeating the words “ok…ok…ok.” A very Dustin response that I will always cherish. We spent the next two weeks day-dreaming what our new life was going to look like. Googling things like “double strollers” and “twin nurseries.” We were excited, nervous, and frankly a little stunned. At our next appointment, came the news that we never in our wildest dreams imagined was possible: Triplets. Three babies. Three very obvious beating hearts on the monitor. Dr. Sterling’s usual jovial tone turned very serious. I remember him sitting down with us and beginning to talk about the host of potential complications now, the risks associated with triplet pregnancies, the likelihood that they would come early, the weight of it all. I bawled the whole way home. To be honest, we were just totally in shock for the better part of two weeks. I spent a lot of energy wondering how this was even going to be possible, how I would ever be able to nurture three babies at once, how we would pay for all their needs, how we would ever go anywhere again, how Ella would be impacted by it all.

Two weeks later, our Baby C was no longer there. The image of the third beating heart was as obviously gone as it had obviously been there. In the moment, I’m not sure how I felt or how I was even supposed to feel. We both just felt weary from leaving every appointment with life-altering news. Pregnant. Twins. Triplets. Twins again. Dr. Sterling’s words were both wise and comforting to us: “We’re not celebrating anything, but this just got a lot less complicated.” Dustin and I talked a lot about his kindness to us in those words. That’s how we felt. Sad. Confused. Relieved. Unsure if we could say relieved. Still shocked. Anyway, the story of our Baby C is something special to me, something interwoven into the story of Avett and Cece, and something I will store up and ponder in my heart the way a mother does with some things.

On a regular Monday in April (or as a regular as a Monday can be when you’re 35 weeks pregnant with twins and taking care of a 3 year old), I started the day with some back pain and spent the better half of the day ignoring it because I had wholeheartedly declared the babies were not coming until May. Ella and I did our usual thing: slow morning at home, ballet, a few errands. I even had lunch with my friend Anna that day and told her I was having some lower back pain, but nothing a little Doc McStuffins on the couch couldn’t cure. After a few episodes on the couch, my back pain really didn’t let up, funny how contractions don’t do that when they’re the real deal. Oh hindsight. In my true stubborn fashion, I continued to walk in denial all the way to the kids haircut place in south Tulsa where I got Ella a haircut and proceeded to the elementary pick-up line in Bixby to get Jack. It’s funny how the pick-up line can be a place that incites a little self-analysis (i.e. panic). I started noting in my phone when the contractions would come and how long they lasted. When I realized they were about 5 minutes apart and I was literally trapped in my van in the world’s most agonizing car line, I started to get a little antsy. I called the doctor’s office to see what I should do and of course they told me: “Well if you’re having contractions, you should go to the hospital.” Right. I should probably do that. Once Jack was in the car, I dropped the kids off at Marti’s house where my Mom met me and I casually assured everyone (including Dustin by phone) that I was fine. I remember I went to the bathroom, drove slowly back to our house because I wanted to grab a few things and maybe change my clothes. By the time we got to OB Triage, I was still wholeheartedly believing they would just check things out and send us home to rest. The irony of it all is that I felt exactly the same way I did when I went into labor with Ella. The contractions were getting harder and closer together, definitely uncomfortable. When they finally checked me around 5PM, the nurse kindly said: “Well you’re dilated to 5cm, so I think you’re going to have these babies tonight.” After that, we switched gears, embraced what was happening, and our babies were born no less than 3 hours later.

Avett Thomas came first at 4lbs 3oz. Lauren Cecilia second at 4lbs 9oz.

Even with all the wildness of the afternoon and the surprise of babies coming a few weeks early, their birth was truly so relaxed for me. Ella’s delivery was chaotic, difficult, and so foreign. With Avett and Cece, I was prepared and there was peace all around us in a way that can only be credited to the Spirit of God. Both babies went to the NICU after they were born. They did the usual “learn how to stay warm on your own-learn how to eat and gain some weight” routine for a few days and all were home with us in 7 days. Cece actually came home with us on Friday and Avett came home 2 days later.

So there it is. The story of how you came into the world. I’m certain I’ve left out many details, including Avett’s trip back to the ICU at 3 weeks old (a story for another day), but I want to record more than all of that is how treasured and loved you both are as individuals.

Avett, I never imagined having a son. In fact, I never really knew if I wanted a son, but I have been overcome with a love for my only son in a way that I couldn’t have known without you. And what I would have missed! You were more challenging from the start with a longer NICU stay, a return ICU trip, reflux, fussiness, spitting up constantly, less consistent sleep. But you are growing into this sweet, sometimes serious and reserved, smiling, tender boy. You are more ticklish than your sisters. You smile when we greet you in the morning. You are so strong. Sometimes I marvel at how strong you feel compared to the girls. I have prayed many times while holding you that you would be a man of strength and tenderness, a man who cares for others deeply, and a man who would love Jesus more deeply than the generations before you. I thank God that he gave me the rich blessing of a son. You are my treasure, Avett Thomas.

Cece, you are the second daughter I longed for. Since the moment we found out we were pregnant, I wanted another girl. I wanted sisters. I wanted a daughter to understand being a little sister like I am. I wanted Ella to know the joy of a sister relationship. Most of all, I wanted to talk to my girls about my sister and for them to get it. Your life is God’s grace to me in many ways, but one of the most treasured ways is that you are my second daughter. And you fill that role with such beauty and humor. You are dainty, chatty, funny, and so so easy. You are our easiest baby by far and we thank you! We have been talking lately about you being our most social baby too. You love to be held, to jabber, to steal toys from your brother, to bounce your head with such enthusiasm as we feed you that you get food everywhere. One day (many days actually) I will tell you stories about my big sister, your namesake, so you know that there is literally no one who would have been more proud to have you bear her name. My sweet Lauren Cecilia, you are a dream come true.

And one final thought on having twins. This has been the most physically exhausting thing I’ve ever done, although not the most emotionally exhausting thing. That’s actually quite a pleasant surprise. I can still say that second (and third) babies are easier than the first go at it. There’s just nothing like that first experience at parenthood to rock your world. But having twins has been the most delightful and unexpected club I never imagined joining. Avett and Cece, I can’t wait to watch you grow together, to navigate life with you as individuals and as a unit. I can’t wait to watch you continue to engage with and adore your big sister, Ella. She is so perfectly equipped for the job of being a big sister to twins, I pray you will follow her lead and love her well. And above all, I pray we can be parents who humbly give you all you need as we get all we need from Jesus. May you turn your eyes to Him at the earliest of ages and hold tightly to this Truth that will anchor you through life as nothing else in all creation can. You are loved and adored.