Not much writing has happened over the last year. Actually no writing has happened as apparently my last post was celebrating Ella's second birthday. It's certainly no indication of life lived though. We've been full of all the things at our house. So here I am finding a quiet moment alone at Starbucks, drinking my peppermint mocha, and thinking about how my cup is literally overflowing.

I've said this many times, but it rings truer each year that passes: Ella is so easy to celebrate. The older she gets, the more we love her and the more I marvel at our ever-growing capacity to love another person. So many of our friends are celebrating their babies' first years and I find myself reminiscing about what it felt like to have a baby turn one. In a way there is so much relief that year one is over, but it's coupled with so much unknown about the next year. Some of that unknown is so unknown that, in the best way possible, you just can't anticipate it. I find myself filled with this sense of anticipatory joy on behalf of my friends. How much love they have yet to know! I suppose that's what my Mom is always talking about when she reflects on having loved me for nearly 32 years. Ellagirl, I can't wait to have loved you 32 years. How much love I have yet to know!

This year you filled our house with chatter. Talking early and often would be a good a way to describe you. You can memorize Bible verses. You pretend to read your books and know most of the words. Oh to have a young brain again! You can tell stories. You use colloquial expressions like "I couldn't believe it!" and "oh my goodness!" At your 3 year well-check appointment, Dr. Thompson asked if you could string 3-5 words together to form sentences. Umm...yes. We can check that box FOR SURE.

Speaking of words, your Dad and I are learning new ways to describe your ever-budding personality. Cautious. Compassionate. Curious. Your teachers told us you were very "cerebral" which made us chuckle a little, but mostly opened us up to a beautiful aspect of who you are. You love to read and are quite content to look at books during a party. You are never the first to jump or climb or try new things, but you will think and examine and move forward confidently once you've decided you can do it. I really admire your caution and pray it will help guide you to wise decisions as your grow. What I love most about you is your compassion. You always notice the crying child or upset adult. Often in public you asking me about them with genuine concern and I have to reassure you that "their mommy is helping them." Your teachers have shared many times that you've comforted another child at school. Even in our home and over the last eighteen months of walking in grief, you've always noticed when I was sad and responded in love. You told your Dad that you were going to find Aunt Lolly for me and talked often about how happy Mommy will be when she sees her again in heaven. How did you learn such tenderness? What a reflection of Christ in you!

This year you went to the beach for the first time. You did NOT like the ocean. Perhaps we rushed you in too soon, but the sights and sounds of the waves crashing really scared you even in your Dad's arms. You were content to play (cautiously) in the sand for the rest of the week. You changed schools for the first time and with time marched confidently into your classroom like you didn't need me at all. You gave up the paci like a champ and honestly surprised us all. You convinced me that you were ready to potty-train and after about 3 grueling weeks of sitting on the bathroom floor, you were basically done. You slept your last night in a crib and I cried to your Dad after you went to bed in a way that surprised me. You are officially not a baby anymore. You are a walking, talking, potty-trained, big-girl bed-sleeping girl. We are so proud of you!

Ella James, there is no other person quite like you. I could never have imagined what God was and is creating in you when I longed for you so many years ago. As a second child myself, I know that it is possible to love another baby as much as you love the first, but often I find myself thinking, how could I ever love anyone as much as I love Ella? I suppose I am resting in that same place of a anticipating a goodness so good I don't actually know how to anticipate it. We can't wait to walk with you into the next year. When I think about you becoming a big sister, I can't help but think of my big sister. I know it will bring me joy to share with you all the ways she loved me and all the ways I treasured her. You have no idea how much these babies will adore you and I can't wait to tell you. Happy Birthday treasure girl, we love you!